Think about a time you’ve just crushed a workout or made it on the podium. Then you just rocked an awesome selfie and posted it.
Or you’re grinding it out, chasing your dream, and sharing the journey.
You scroll through the likes and the comments. So many people are cheering you on.
Then bam, your heart sinks.
There it is. The one thing you’ve been secretly hoping to avoid.
Instantly all the praise, the love, and the props gets flushed down the toilet.
Your confidence along with.
All because one person decided to take their shit out on you.
And is trying to kill your momentum.
I used to crumble like a cookie when I read a nasty comment.
I’d curl up in a little ball wondering why someone would say something so awful. Then I would wonder, “Are they right?”
In my mind, I knew it was all bullshit, but the amount of energy it took me to get over a few words was exhausting. Hours, days even, till I convinced myself that it wasn’t true.
Now, I love it when I get some hate.
Because hate is a reminder of my growth.
It rattled someone else’s cage because they’re stuck.
Not my problem.
I don’t have time to send that person love or empathy. I did that all the time in my 20s and 30s, thinking that by pacifying people and boosting them up would somehow make me feel better.
But it just sucked the life out of me.
I didn’t leave enough energy for myself.
So I relied on love from others to feel validated, all to just end up feeling empty.
Because my confidence was a fragile shell, just waiting to be broken.
Hate defined me as much as love, if not more.
Hate can plant a nasty seed of doubt, and boy does that seed love to grow.
The more you think about it, the more it hurts, the more real it feels.
Even though your logical brain will try to convince you otherwise, hate will bring up a lifetime of insecurities.
If you let it.
It’s bad enough when people hate on you when you succeed, but what can be even more damaging is when hate comes in the pursuit of a goal, and haven’t even had a chance to taste victory.
The psychology behind hate is simple.
Haters need an outlet. They haven’t done the work on themselves, so they’ve gotta dump their baggage on someone.
GREATNESS IS A TRIGGER
They hate seeing others succeed because it mirrors how much they’ve failed (or haven’t even tried).
It’s never about you. It’s about them.
That nasty comment is their outlet. You’re the easy target.
If you’re taking it all in like a sponge, it’s because you are relying too much on others’ opinions to build you up.
It’s why one hater can negate all the fans.
You should never let one person, 100 people, 1000 people, strip you of your power.
Your confidence has to be defined by you, not others.
You build your confidence behind the scenes, not while scrolling through feeds.
You build it during your training.
You build it in your discipline.
You build it in your sacrifice.
That’s why haters are your secret weapon.
Because every time one shows up in your life, use their hate as a REMINDER.
A reminder of how you show up single every day.
A reminder of what you’re willing to do at all costs, when no one is watching.
A reminder of the goals you have your eyes set on that most people wouldn’t even dream of pursuing.
Hate teaches you that you generate your personal power.
Now more than ever, you need to build your resilience against the critics and the haters.
The only way to do that is to condition it.
Start here with a free trial of World Class Nation and get on-demand mental conditioning designed for athletes.
Just click here, and you’re in.
Dr. Jen Faber, DC is a performance and mental conditioning coach, working with elite athletes, olympic competitors, sports professionals, high-profile individuals and more. She helps clients train their mind as hard as their body to create world class results.
Dr. Jen is the author of Know or Be Told: How Identity Defines Success and founder of World Class Nation, an online mental conditioning membership designed to help high-performing athletes gain a competitive edge. She has been featured on CBS, CW, TalentCulture, iHeartRadio, and more. Throughout her career Dr. Jen has worked with NFL players, Triathletes, The Lady Gaga Tour, Broadway Performers, The Washington Ballet, The Kennedy Center, National Geographic.
If you want to break through the mental barriers that stand in your way, apply now to the Achilles Advantage Private Coaching Program and see if you qualify.